Regression? Or Advancing in a Different Direction?

So, guess what. I'm exhausted.

Not only do I think I'm coming down with a bit of a cold, I also went and worked out this morning which might not have helped. Though maybe it did.

I have been dosing myself with lemon and honey in hot water (thanks for the lemons, G), but I don't know if it'll be enough. I haven't slept very well recently, as I mentioned in a previous post, though last night I tried to go to sleep early to be a good girl. Well, some drama with my former fiance conspired against me, so I ended up only getting about as much sleep as I have on the crazy going out nights.

I'm kind of dreading going back to Colorado. I have tried so hard to get out of the mindset of returning and that CB is my home that I'm almost rebelling going back to pack for Jordan. I leave here in a little over a week and I'm already starting to get a little panicked about how many more experiences I want to fit in before I go. I mean, I adore CB and I've heard that the weather is amazing there right now (if unseasonally warm), but I can't help but get the impression that it's not forward progress... that I'm actually regressing.

Okay, maybe that's overstating the point. But I don't really want to leave here to go back to Colorado. I guess I'm a little scared about everything that happened to me before I left in terms of my emotions. It was a crazy roller coaster that ended up with me in Houston and able to distance myself from cyclical thinking. And I really like it down here. I'm starting to meet people, beginning to get into the 'scene' of young Houston.

And now I'm leaving. And not even leaving for Jordan, but leaving for Colorado to prepare for Jordan. Can you blame me for not wanting to return to the place where I was so recently hurt?

The only thing that makes it okay in my mind is seeing my friends in CB again. I had a good time reconnecting with them before I left and I look forward to spending some time with them before I head to Jordan.

I guess I'm just scared to put myself back into the vulnerable place I was when I made the decision to leave.

Well, that's about it for tonight. More emotional venting, less about what I'm up to, but I hope I didn't bore you to death.

Here's some Regina Spektor. She always picks me up. Or at least make me hurt in a more beautiful way...

Cheers!