I'm back in America. Joy. Ecstasy. Excitement.
Can you feel the sarcasm?
The best things about being back in the States:
1) Seeing my dad (and the rest of my family).
2) Understanding conversations around me (not knowing what people are saying is like being on the outside of a really elaborate inside joke).
3) Long hot showers (Jordan is water-poor and I was in the green capital of Spain... thank God for Houston's abundance of H2O).
4) My own bathroom (for those long hot showers, as well as a prolonged eyebrow plucking session this morning).
5) Netflix (it doesn't work in Jordan, as I found out to my dismay a month ago).
6) Parking lots (Only applies to Jordan - Amman is short on 'traditional' parking lots).
...yeah. That's about it. There are other small things I'll discover as I go along I'm sure, but those are the ones that have really hit me since I've been back.
Well, last time I posted I was still in Spain. Guess I should catch you up a bit.
My last day in Spain I toured around Vitoria some more. I ended up checking out an armory museum that had weapons and armor from the Stone Age all the way until WWII - a very extensive collection. Sadly, the displays were only in Basque and Spanish, so I didn't understand all of it, but my nerdy medieval fantasy lit knowledge came in handy as I was able to fill in the blanks (thank you, Tamora Pierce). Other than the suits of armor and weaponry, they also had models of the battle in Vitoria between Napoleon and the British, which were pretty awesome. After that we went briefly to the playing card museum - apparently Vitoria produces the playing cards most often used in casinos (a 40 card deck, not a normal 52 card deck... though I have NO IDEA what games you play with a 40 card deck). There were all sorts of cards in the museum, some of my favorites included "La Cabaña del Tío Tom" playing cards - complete with racist depictions of African Americans. That evening Pablo had a wedding to attend, so I toured the Old Cathedral that is currently under re-construction. The cathedral was incredible, made even more so by the fact that it has no floor, has had the foundation half dug out, forcing us to walk around on scaffolding wearing safety helmets. The tour (conducted entirely in Spanish) was incomprehensible, but I'm really glad I did it, since I got an opportunity to walk around in the 'backstage' where the nuns and monks would usually walk - twisting spiral staircases and high balconies that looked over the entire space. What a treat!
The next day I took a bus back to Madrid and caught my flight to Amman, stopping briefly in the EXTREMELY overpriced airport in Cairo ($5 for a cup of regular coffee? You've gotta be kidding me!) and arriving back in Jordan at 2a.m. I had a day in Jordan, long enough to see my cousin's office, say goodbye to various family members and have a family lunch - then I was back on a plane by 2a.m. again to return to the States.
I have to say this at least once - I HATE the Frankfurt airport. It's not the airport so much (thus far I've had two of the greatest naps of my life on their relatively comfortable benches), it's the security. Is it just me, or are they awful to everyone else too? I got positively violated by a barrel-like fraulein who was a little too pleased with her metal detector. While I think that people in the States are a little too uptight about their 'rights being infringed on' with the new imaging tech (really, who cares if they can see your panties), I had this woman basically molest me in public trying to find out what was making the metal detector go off (in the region of my crotch). I was wearing SWEATPANTS for Pete's sake, and she kept waving the thing around like she was going to expelliarmus my lady bits. Then she dragged me into a tiny area with a flimsy curtain that she didn't shut completely before asking me to take off my pants. I was shocked (What, you're not even going to buy me a drink first?), but she insisted, so I slid my pants down, trying not to make eye contact with anyone (including the people that I'm sure could see me as they got their passports checked). She kept flailing the metal detector around and it KEPT FRIGGING BEEPING right around my privates. Now, believe me, I would be the first to admit if there was something to keep the detector going off (Whoops! Wore my metal panties to the airport again! Just call me Maid Marian.), but there was NOTHING there. I really don't think she knew how to use the thing... or if it was working properly. Finally she looked up at me and asked "Prezig?"
I looked at her like she was crazy. "What? Sorry I don't understand." ...all the while blushing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I mean, I'm confident in my body, etc, but at 6:30 in the morning after my second long international flight in 24 hours without more than a couple hours of sleep - I was ready to keep my goddamn clothes ON, thank you very much.
"Peerzig!?" she said again, looking at me earnestly, her face about six inches away from mine. Then she made a jabbing gesture toward my nether regions (waaaaaay too close for comfort. I mean, this lady got further with me than my high school boyfriend).
Then, it clicked. "Oooooooh. Piercing?" She nodded sharply. "Uh, nope. No piercing." She took a long, hard look down there. Fearing that she would give me some sort of security pap-smear followed up by a cavity search, my stomach plummeted. The last thing in the world that I want is to be taken advantage of in the Frankfurt airport... well, by a tubby security woman, that is.
One of the other security people (the woman watching the proceedings and 'guarding' the curtain) pulled the fraulein off before she could rip my undies down. All of a sudden, I was free to go. I don't think I've ever snatched up my luggage and belongings so quickly. Within 15 seconds I was outta there.
So, suffice it to say, I was really excited that I had brought Xanax with me. Also that I was going back to the States where if they infringe on your rights, at least they do so out of the view of witnesses.
After a five hour wait in the airport, followed by an eleven hour flight, landing in Houston was positively delightful. My dad was waiting for me in the airport, and when I got home he had plenty of wine (and a delicious dinner) on hand. I could barely speak from exhaustion (and the wine/Xanax combination - remind me to avoid that one in the future), but it definitely made for an incredible night's sleep; I barely feel any jet lag today. There's something to be said about staying up on the entire flight when traveling internationally - that way at least you'll sleep like a mofo no matter what time it is when you arrive... though that may not be a good thing if you get there during the day. In that case, my advice is to have wine on hand. Wine heals many ills.
Well. Now I'm in Houston. I just had a lovely lunch at Mission Burritos (mmm, tortilla soup), and I'm currently doing laundry and attempting to find my ticket back to Colorado on the 25th... this merger between Continental and United is a pain in the arse. Though if I don't find it perhaps I'll extend my stay in Houston a little longer.....
Here's this. It fits.
Cheers!
Can you feel the sarcasm?
The best things about being back in the States:
1) Seeing my dad (and the rest of my family).
2) Understanding conversations around me (not knowing what people are saying is like being on the outside of a really elaborate inside joke).
3) Long hot showers (Jordan is water-poor and I was in the green capital of Spain... thank God for Houston's abundance of H2O).
4) My own bathroom (for those long hot showers, as well as a prolonged eyebrow plucking session this morning).
5) Netflix (it doesn't work in Jordan, as I found out to my dismay a month ago).
6) Parking lots (Only applies to Jordan - Amman is short on 'traditional' parking lots).
...yeah. That's about it. There are other small things I'll discover as I go along I'm sure, but those are the ones that have really hit me since I've been back.
Well, last time I posted I was still in Spain. Guess I should catch you up a bit.
My last day in Spain I toured around Vitoria some more. I ended up checking out an armory museum that had weapons and armor from the Stone Age all the way until WWII - a very extensive collection. Sadly, the displays were only in Basque and Spanish, so I didn't understand all of it, but my nerdy medieval fantasy lit knowledge came in handy as I was able to fill in the blanks (thank you, Tamora Pierce). Other than the suits of armor and weaponry, they also had models of the battle in Vitoria between Napoleon and the British, which were pretty awesome. After that we went briefly to the playing card museum - apparently Vitoria produces the playing cards most often used in casinos (a 40 card deck, not a normal 52 card deck... though I have NO IDEA what games you play with a 40 card deck). There were all sorts of cards in the museum, some of my favorites included "La Cabaña del Tío Tom" playing cards - complete with racist depictions of African Americans. That evening Pablo had a wedding to attend, so I toured the Old Cathedral that is currently under re-construction. The cathedral was incredible, made even more so by the fact that it has no floor, has had the foundation half dug out, forcing us to walk around on scaffolding wearing safety helmets. The tour (conducted entirely in Spanish) was incomprehensible, but I'm really glad I did it, since I got an opportunity to walk around in the 'backstage' where the nuns and monks would usually walk - twisting spiral staircases and high balconies that looked over the entire space. What a treat!
The next day I took a bus back to Madrid and caught my flight to Amman, stopping briefly in the EXTREMELY overpriced airport in Cairo ($5 for a cup of regular coffee? You've gotta be kidding me!) and arriving back in Jordan at 2a.m. I had a day in Jordan, long enough to see my cousin's office, say goodbye to various family members and have a family lunch - then I was back on a plane by 2a.m. again to return to the States.
I have to say this at least once - I HATE the Frankfurt airport. It's not the airport so much (thus far I've had two of the greatest naps of my life on their relatively comfortable benches), it's the security. Is it just me, or are they awful to everyone else too? I got positively violated by a barrel-like fraulein who was a little too pleased with her metal detector. While I think that people in the States are a little too uptight about their 'rights being infringed on' with the new imaging tech (really, who cares if they can see your panties), I had this woman basically molest me in public trying to find out what was making the metal detector go off (in the region of my crotch). I was wearing SWEATPANTS for Pete's sake, and she kept waving the thing around like she was going to expelliarmus my lady bits. Then she dragged me into a tiny area with a flimsy curtain that she didn't shut completely before asking me to take off my pants. I was shocked (What, you're not even going to buy me a drink first?), but she insisted, so I slid my pants down, trying not to make eye contact with anyone (including the people that I'm sure could see me as they got their passports checked). She kept flailing the metal detector around and it KEPT FRIGGING BEEPING right around my privates. Now, believe me, I would be the first to admit if there was something to keep the detector going off (Whoops! Wore my metal panties to the airport again! Just call me Maid Marian.), but there was NOTHING there. I really don't think she knew how to use the thing... or if it was working properly. Finally she looked up at me and asked "Prezig?"
I looked at her like she was crazy. "What? Sorry I don't understand." ...all the while blushing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I mean, I'm confident in my body, etc, but at 6:30 in the morning after my second long international flight in 24 hours without more than a couple hours of sleep - I was ready to keep my goddamn clothes ON, thank you very much.
"Peerzig!?" she said again, looking at me earnestly, her face about six inches away from mine. Then she made a jabbing gesture toward my nether regions (waaaaaay too close for comfort. I mean, this lady got further with me than my high school boyfriend).
Then, it clicked. "Oooooooh. Piercing?" She nodded sharply. "Uh, nope. No piercing." She took a long, hard look down there. Fearing that she would give me some sort of security pap-smear followed up by a cavity search, my stomach plummeted. The last thing in the world that I want is to be taken advantage of in the Frankfurt airport... well, by a tubby security woman, that is.
One of the other security people (the woman watching the proceedings and 'guarding' the curtain) pulled the fraulein off before she could rip my undies down. All of a sudden, I was free to go. I don't think I've ever snatched up my luggage and belongings so quickly. Within 15 seconds I was outta there.
So, suffice it to say, I was really excited that I had brought Xanax with me. Also that I was going back to the States where if they infringe on your rights, at least they do so out of the view of witnesses.
After a five hour wait in the airport, followed by an eleven hour flight, landing in Houston was positively delightful. My dad was waiting for me in the airport, and when I got home he had plenty of wine (and a delicious dinner) on hand. I could barely speak from exhaustion (and the wine/Xanax combination - remind me to avoid that one in the future), but it definitely made for an incredible night's sleep; I barely feel any jet lag today. There's something to be said about staying up on the entire flight when traveling internationally - that way at least you'll sleep like a mofo no matter what time it is when you arrive... though that may not be a good thing if you get there during the day. In that case, my advice is to have wine on hand. Wine heals many ills.
Well. Now I'm in Houston. I just had a lovely lunch at Mission Burritos (mmm, tortilla soup), and I'm currently doing laundry and attempting to find my ticket back to Colorado on the 25th... this merger between Continental and United is a pain in the arse. Though if I don't find it perhaps I'll extend my stay in Houston a little longer.....
Here's this. It fits.
Cheers!
Glad you are back and had a great time. Sorry you had such a bad time with the German search monster. After that you NEEDED a long hot shower!
ReplyDeleteLoved the Tamora Pierce shoutout. Also - I HATE the Frankfurt security, although I have never been so thoroughly molested. Thanks for the giggles chica, keep writing!
ReplyDelete